Our definition of Openness is... Being Open Minded to Change.
By Jammie
We were contacted in the fall of 2009 by our son’s birth mother. To say the least we were delighted. Our conversations started out by email correspondences. Then things progressed really quickly. Because of state laws, we had to jump through many hoops and were worried about the possibility of a failed placement. However, our birth mother was strong and determined to give her son more and to act on her confirmation. We continued working through the stumbling blocks one by one, and could feel our Heavenly Fathers blessing to move forward. We got a phone call from our Case worker whom explained our options. The option that had the highest level of success in this placement was to have our birth mother move to Idaho. Our first thought was how in the world is this going to work out? Would anyone really be willing to move to another state when they were already going through so much? Once again we fell to our knees for comfort and direction. We started to converse with our son’s birth mother and birth grandmother on the phone about these topics. We were amazed with how willing and excepting they were of this idea. Our birth mother was only 15 years old at this time, so we started to make arrangements for her housing and transportation. In the beginning we had planned that she would stay with us a couple nights and then we would transition her into another home. Though once she was here, our relationship came very naturally... she stayed with us for almost two months. We were all in agreement that it would be best to have her transition into another home after baby arrived to make her transition easier.
We feel blessed and humbled that she would come clear across the states to stay with us to give her child more.
We feel blessed and humbled that she wanted me to attend doctor appointments, therapy and birthing classes.
We feel blessed and honored that she allowed us to feel her tummy as our child grew inside.
We feel blessed and honored that she allowed us to be in the delivery room.
We feel blessed and honored that she allowed my husband to cut the umbilical cord.
We feel blessed and honored that she allowed and insisted on our son staying in our hospital room. (However, we ended up spending much of the time in her room, because we couldn't stay away.)
She didn't have to share these experiences; there was no obligation, nor expectation. Though she did it, and that tells the world about who she is as a person and the virtue and selfless qualities she holds within. I cherish these moments, and consider them sacred.
It's hard to explain really, the biggest blessing we received during those two months before our son was born, though it was having her in our home. We are grateful for the opportunity to love her and to be loved by her. We would have been OK if we didn't get to go to the doctor’s appointments, birthing classes, etc... (That was just over the top blessings). We wouldn't have known differently. Though we would not be the same today without the bond that was created between us during her stay.. It can't be broken. No one can take that away. We got to love her, even before our son took his first breath. She is my sister, she is the woman who gave our son life, she is glorious and we are Eternally grateful for to her for sacrificing her owns hearts desires to give her son more.
We feared the unknowns once upon a time of how a healthy relationship is created between birth families and adoptive families. Those fears no longer exist, because we know that Heavenly Father guides these sacred relationships. As long as we are continually looking after the best interest of our child and one another, the relationship will continue to develop and flourish.
We can't wait to meet you. We can't wait to begin our relationship with you and to love you. To know you, and the desires of your heart. Every adoption is different. You may need more privacy, or you may not. You may not want the relationship so open, then again you just might. I feel the need to clarify that I share our story only for you to see that we care about our birth mothers and their needs. We don't want you to feel that we have expectations of how the placement should go. We feel every adoption is unique in stature.. We want you to think about what you need personally to move forward in your progression. We feel it very important for birth parents to take the time they need to find closure. The delivery and hospital stay is about you, not us. We feel honored to participate in any way the birth families see fit. Though, we do not have expectations during that fragile time. It is soooo important that birth parents find the closure they need. Not only for them, but also for the adoptive couple.
Back to what open adoption means to us. There are many complex emotions that birth families and adoptive couples cross through during placement. An open relationship is about adapting to one another needs. Communication is everything. Sometimes there are uncomfortable conversations that arise. Though we work through them and love through them to find a comfortable balance for both sides. Ultimately, it is about a beautiful child sent from Heaven. They Heavenly Father's children first, though he has made room for all of us to have a role in their lives. These roles are unique in stature, though uniquely ours.
Today we have a wonderful and healthy relationship with our son’s birth mother. We send her pictures and updates monthly. She came to visit us soon after our sons first birthday, which was very comfortable, natural and healing. It sustained our relationship to the fullest. We love her and the relationship we have. She is a blessing in our lives. We love open adoption!!!
